Kidnapping and Coffee
by Shahrazhad
Summary: BMWW: Batman has no time for anyone. How does one go about stealing time from Batman? Through partners-in-crime, that's how. One-shot.


Title- Kidnapping and Coffee  
Rating- PG for mild language and vague sexual implications.  
Disclaimers: All characters belong to DC Comics. No profit was made.  
Summary- BM/WW: Batman has no time for anyone. How does one go about stealing time from Batman? Through partners-in-crime, that's how. One-shot.

Alfred sighed as he made his way down the worn staircase to the cave while balancing a silver antique tray with a cup on it with one hand. Small clouds of dust appeared with each step he took. Try as he might, he was never able to clean the dust completely. It was a cave after all. But dust problems were far from his thoughts this evening. Concern about Bruce took precedence. But when do you not worry about a man who runs around fighting dangerously insane, super-powered villains on a regular basis?

All in the name of revenge. If revenge is so sweet, why does it pain him knowing his surrogate son risks his life everyday?

It still astonishes Alfred how much the loss of Bruce's parents influences his life, no, every fiber of his being. "The past will forever affect the future." Mused Alfred, as he reached the last step into the decent of the cave.

"What was that Alfred?" Questioned Batman gruffly over the smooth flow of typing on his computer. It was unusual seeing Bruce doing computer work at this hour, typically he would be patrolling or something of that sort.

"Nothing at all Master Bruce." Alfred watched his son intently for a brief moment. Bruce was in full costume sans the cowl. He was working more sluggish that usual, and it was as plain as the giant penny in the cave, that he needed a break. _And I intend to see he has one._

"Your coffee sir."

Contrary to the allegations that Batman is a drug-induced Meta, he is completely clean. Well… with the exception of Caffeine; the lifeblood of the Bat-family.

"Thank you Alfred." He said he took a sip. It tasted different. In fact all of his latte's and espresso's tasted different today. Paranoia, thy name is bat; he immediately suspected poison. He dismissed that thought promptly when he mentally re-checked and affirmed that Alfred made all his drinks. He assumed that Alfred used a different brand today.

Alfred cleared his throat. "You have a visitor."

"Create an excuse. The stomach-flu one works well. Besides, isn't it too late for visitors?"

"It is just past eleven."

That threw Batman of-guard. He was completely exhausted, and he only made a light patrol run, in addition to computer work. Normally, he could gauge the approximate time, according to his level of fatigue. The weight on his eyelids was telling him it was closer to three.

"I didn't notice." Batman said aloud. "Whoever it is, tell them to come back tomorrow."

"Frankly sir, I am in no position to tell royalty to just leave."

"Hmm? Who?" Obviously, his weariness greatly impaired his deductive skills.

"Miss Diana." Alfred explained patiently. "She is waiting upstairs."

A Meta coming to his city, unannounced was a serious breach of overstepping clearly defined boundaries. Showing up to his house is akin to a death wish. However, when Alfred namedropped _Diana_, Batman merely stopped typing.

"Is it League related?"

"She didn't say."

"I see. Well, send her down." Batman instructed. "And tell Tim and Cass to start patrol with out me. I will join them shortly."

'_Utterly ludicrous. Bruce is fighting to stay conscious, and he still insists on running around to hunt for those loonies tonight.'_ Alfred thought to himself, as he went to get Wonder Woman.

"Do try to mind your manners with Miss Diana sir." Batman ignored the comment.

As Alfred departed Batman typed a few more strokes on the computer. Bruce squinted at the screen, adamant in succeeding in at least updating the files before he retired for the night. He picked up his coffee again for a long swig, hoping it would revive his weary sprit to no avail. With each key that he typed, the screen became increasingly blurry, and his eyes staggered under their weight. His furious typing slowed to a halt, and his eyes fell victim to sleep. "Just for a few seconds…" He mumbled vaguely before he allowed his head to fall back on the chair.

"Am I disrupting anything? Echoed a female's voice, dripping with amusement. Batman's head snapped up so swiftly Wonder Woman was surprised he didn't rupture anything.

"No, nothing at all. What is the problem Princess?" He scrutinized Wonder Woman's appearance as he spoke. She was dressed in a plain cotton shirt with jeans and her hair was tied in a ponytail. Her sapphire eyes were free of worry or stress, and her lips wore an expression of a pout lost on it's way to a smile. Clearly she wasn't here for League matters according to her dress, unless she was undercover.

Wonder Woman arched an eyebrow at his lack of embarrassment regarding his little nap at the computer. _'Oh sure Batman, ignore it, and the fact that I caught you drooling over your chair never happened.'_

"No immediate threat if that's what you suspect. Yet, a member has been MIA for a questionably, long period of time."Bruce ran a quick list of possible absentees. The Question? Captain Atom? Green Arrow? He came up blank.

"Who?"

"You Bruce!" She cried in exasperation.

"You haven't shown up for the past few meetings, two of which were urgent core member ones, you haven't answered your comlink whenever we try to reach you…" Diana's loud, infuriated rant faded into a more gentle and injured tone. "…and you missed a sparring session with me."

"Gotham takes precedence Princess, you know that. Crime has been considerably high lately."

'_Lying bastard' _Wonder Woman thought furiously.

"Is that so? I was aware that most of Gotham's villains have been locked up at Arkham, and the crime rate was the lowest it had been in months…" She said with the air of innocence. Batman narrowed his eyes.

"Who told you?"

"Bruce, you do realize that your Bat-glare loses effect with those bags under your eyes." Smirked Diana playfully. Batman was in no mood.

"Who. Told. You."

Her face bore a silly grin. "The butler did it."

"Cute Princess, real cute." Bruce grimaced. He was wary of any bonds formed by Diana and Alfred. Any friendship between the two would breed potentially dangerous situations for him.

"So, what's you excuse for missing a sparring session?"

Bruce didn't answer. He knew damn well where the conversation would head if he responded to that. Wonder Woman would corner him with whatever excuse he would come up with, and then blame him for avoiding her. Then she would accuse him that his aversion implies that he has feelings for her.

Sly little fox.

When Diana figured that Bruce wasn't touching that question with a ten-foot pole, she took the liberty of toying with him.

"Bruce." Diana cooed, as she draped her arms across his shoulders and started coiling her fingers around his cape. She was teasing him to get an answer. "Why did you miss the session?" she lowered her voice an octave for a more sensual effect.

"Mhmm." Bruce was being lulled to sleep by the sound of her voice. Her kiwi-strawberry scent eased his senses and had an almost sedative effect. He blinked feverishly in an effort to stay awake. Even in his sleepy haze, he had a pretty good idea to what she was up to.

"Diana… stop it. I have work to do."

Wonder Woman's eyes clouded. "I understand completely by what you mean Batman. You have no time for me." She said icily. She got up to leave and headed for stairs. She stopped short for a parting remark. S he turned around to give him a withering look, coupled by sapphire eyes frozen with ice.

"Have a lovely evening Batman." Her voice hardened with contempt. With that she departed. Bruce was truly baffled by her behavior. He said absolutely nothing to provoke her!

"Women." He muttered, mentally filing away the enigma that is the female species in his 'unsolvable' drawer.

As Diana made her way up the stairs, a mischievous grin melted away her sour frown. She found Alfred waiting for her at the top.

"Bravo Miss Diana, you have successfully left Master Bruce even more exhausted, confused, and most importantly distracted than before."

Diana gave him a warm smile. "Thank you Alfred. Did he realize all his drinks were decaf today?"

"Not at all. He was too preoccupied by your presence. In fact, he should be dropping out of consciousness in a few minutes, and then you would be able to commence with the rest of the "Kidnap Batman" plan. Who would have ever guessed that defeating Batman was only a matter of eliminating caffeine from his diet?"

"I never realized the degree of his dependence. But it makes perfect sense. How else is would he be able to survive on four hours of sleep a night?"

"Indeed. I trust that wherever you take him, you both will get at least more that five hours of rest a night." Alfred said with mock sternness. Diana blushed heavily.

"By the way, where do you plan to take Master Bruce?"

"I was thinking of jetting off to Paris or maybe Thailand. I haven't decided."

"Where ever you go I wish you both a pleasant time. It's been ages since Bruce took a well-deserved holiday, and I insist he takes this one, even if it's against his will. A thousand "thank you" for being my accomplice in this kidnapping.

"Oh Alfred, I am just getting Batman to take a vacation."

"Ah yes." Alfred nodded his head seriously, as if realizing the extent of her accomplishment. "In that case, if you are ever in need of a liver…" Diana giggled.

"Will the city be in good hands while he's away?"

"Most certainly. Robin, Nightwing, Batgirl, Oracle, and Huntress make a formidable team. In fact just the other day **–THUD– **Well, it sounds like Bruce finally dozed off.

"Fainted is more like." She said as her eyes widened in slight alarm. "I hope he's alright." A dab of concern sprinkled her voice.

"No worries, Miss Diana. Master Bruce has a remarkably thick head."

"Of course." Diana nodded her head. "If he isn't suffering from a concussion, I suppose then we should be going now." Diana looked thoughtful for a moment as she pulled two strips of cloth out of her pocket."Do you think the blindfold and gag would be a bit too much?"

"No, not at all." He chuckled.

"Well then, good-bye Alfred, we'll be back soon."

_Not too soon._

"Miss Diana…?"

"Yes Alfred?"

"Would you like a cup of coffee before you go?"

_fin_


End file.
